I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
