god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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