A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
