That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
