I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
