At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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