The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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