All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
