So drunk its hurt
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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