i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
