even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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