i don't plan on having that self control this summer
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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