Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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