I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
