Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
