we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
