You're so nebulous sometimes
Please, let me fuck your mom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
