I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I cockslap morals
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
