but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
