true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
