Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
