After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
