Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
