this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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