Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
