Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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