woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
