If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
