I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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