...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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