I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
