I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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