He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this just has baby written all over it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
