Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
