You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
