life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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