I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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