I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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