I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
