I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
