So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
