Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
