"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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