They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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