I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
