i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
