please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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