there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
