Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
