She is in my trunk
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
