before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
