yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
